"There are many benefits to this process of listening. The first is that good listeners are created as people feel listened to. Listening is a reciprocal process - we become more attentive to others if they have attended to us"
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Wheatley is quietly flipping the usual self-help script: listening isn’t presented as a personal virtue you grit your teeth and practice; it’s an ecosystem you build. The sly power of her claim is in the reversal of causality. We tend to think good listeners make other people feel heard. She argues the opposite is just as true: people become good listeners because they’ve been listened to. That move matters because it shifts responsibility from individual willpower to relational design. If you want a more humane workplace, classroom, or community, you can’t just train “active listening” as a skill and call it culture. You have to make being heard normal.
The subtext is political in the smallest sense: attention is a form of status. To be listened to is to be treated as real, not merely managed. Wheatley’s “reciprocal process” also smuggles in a critique of hierarchical communication, where listening flows upward as obedience and downward as performance. Her framing suggests that attention must circulate, or it curdles into resentment and disengagement.
Contextually, Wheatley’s work often lives in the overlap of leadership, systems thinking, and organizational life. Read that way, “benefits” is almost an understatement; she’s describing a feedback loop. Listening creates listeners, which creates more listening, which creates trust and psychological safety, which makes listening easier. The intent is pragmatic and quietly radical: if institutions want better dialogue, they can’t demand it. They have to model it first, and keep modeling it until reciprocity becomes the default.
The subtext is political in the smallest sense: attention is a form of status. To be listened to is to be treated as real, not merely managed. Wheatley’s “reciprocal process” also smuggles in a critique of hierarchical communication, where listening flows upward as obedience and downward as performance. Her framing suggests that attention must circulate, or it curdles into resentment and disengagement.
Contextually, Wheatley’s work often lives in the overlap of leadership, systems thinking, and organizational life. Read that way, “benefits” is almost an understatement; she’s describing a feedback loop. Listening creates listeners, which creates more listening, which creates trust and psychological safety, which makes listening easier. The intent is pragmatic and quietly radical: if institutions want better dialogue, they can’t demand it. They have to model it first, and keep modeling it until reciprocity becomes the default.
Quote Details
| Topic | Respect |
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