"You can forgive people who do not follow you through a philosophical disquisition; but to find your wife laughing when you had tears in your eyes, or staring when you were in a fit of laughter, would go some way towards a dissolution of the marriage"
About this Quote
Stevenson skewers marriage with the calm cruelty of a man who knows exactly where intimacy fails: not in the mind, but in the timing. You can pardon someone for not trekking through your “philosophical disquisition” because ideas are optional terrain; they require education, patience, even taste. But when your spouse misses your emotional beat-laughing at your tears or blinking at your joy-the error feels existential. It’s not mere misunderstanding. It’s a refusal (or inability) to share the same reality in the moment it matters.
The genius here is the pivot from the lofty to the visceral. Stevenson uses “forgive” twice, but the second “forgive” is really a verdict. Intellectual mismatch is a social inconvenience; emotional mismatch is a threat to the bond’s basic premise. His examples are deliberately extreme and symmetrical, like a stage farce turned bitter: tears answered with laughter, laughter met with emptiness. The misfire reads as humiliation, and humiliation is what corrodes love faster than disagreement.
Context matters: late-Victorian marriage was still tethered to duty, property, and reputation, and Stevenson (often ill, often traveling, sharp-eyed about human weakness) understood how easily domestic life becomes performance. If your partner can’t read your cues, you’re not just alone-you’re alone with a witness. “Dissolution” lands like legal language, suggesting that what breaks a marriage isn’t one grand betrayal but the small, repeated proof that your inner life isn’t being recognized.
The genius here is the pivot from the lofty to the visceral. Stevenson uses “forgive” twice, but the second “forgive” is really a verdict. Intellectual mismatch is a social inconvenience; emotional mismatch is a threat to the bond’s basic premise. His examples are deliberately extreme and symmetrical, like a stage farce turned bitter: tears answered with laughter, laughter met with emptiness. The misfire reads as humiliation, and humiliation is what corrodes love faster than disagreement.
Context matters: late-Victorian marriage was still tethered to duty, property, and reputation, and Stevenson (often ill, often traveling, sharp-eyed about human weakness) understood how easily domestic life becomes performance. If your partner can’t read your cues, you’re not just alone-you’re alone with a witness. “Dissolution” lands like legal language, suggesting that what breaks a marriage isn’t one grand betrayal but the small, repeated proof that your inner life isn’t being recognized.
Quote Details
| Topic | Husband & Wife |
|---|---|
| Source | Help us find the source |
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