Famous quote by Søren Kierkegaard

"Love does not alter the beloved, it alters itself"

About this Quote

Love, as Søren Kierkegaard sees it, is a force characterized by humility and selflessness. When a person truly loves, they do not seek to modify, reshape, or improve the object of their affection according to their own desires or ideals. Instead, genuine love turns the process inward; rather than imposing its will onto the beloved, it transforms the lover. The beauty of this philosophy lies in its recognition of the other's autonomy and individuality. Love’s first impulse, in this sense, is not dominance or possessiveness but a willingness to adapt, to accept, and even to change oneself for the sake of another’s uniqueness.

The beloved remains untouched, unpressured by another's expectations or judgments. The lover, meanwhile, undertakes the hard work of realigning their own expectations, habits, or instincts, shifting perspectives or growing emotionally to better embrace and support the beloved as they truly are. In doing so, love becomes dynamic, not a fixed ideal forced outward but a living presence within the lover’s heart. It moves and shapes itself to fit the beloved, attuning itself to the needs, dreams, fears, and individuality found there.

Such a conception of love rejects control. There is a respect for boundaries and a reverence for the intrinsic worth and identity of the beloved. It implies a profound vulnerability: to love is to risk discomfort, to shed ego and desire enough to change for someone else’s happiness and fulfillment. It is a love that yields rather than insists, listens rather than commands, and grows by bending rather than breaking. Kierkegaard's words invite reflection on the nature of relationships, suggesting that true connection requires the courage to evolve and a generosity of spirit that honors the beloved as they are, not as the lover wishes them to be.

More details

SourceWorks of Love (Søren Kierkegaard), 1847 , commonly cited source for the line "Love does not alter the beloved; it alters itself." English wording varies by translation.
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About the Author

Søren Kierkegaard This quote is written / told by Søren Kierkegaard between May 5, 1813 and November 11, 1855. He was a famous Philosopher from Denmark. The author also have 47 other quotes.
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