"The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it"
About this Quote
Parental advice often fails because it collides with a childs need for autonomy. The line suggests a counterintuitive strategy: before lecturing, listen. Discover what the child actually wants, then frame guidance around helping them pursue it well. Advice becomes collaboration rather than command, preserving dignity and making it more likely to be heard.
There is a motivational logic underneath. People commit more deeply to plans they feel are theirs. By aligning counsel with the childs own goals, a parent shifts from pushing to enabling, from control to coaching. Contemporary psychology echoes this. Autonomy-supportive parenting and motivational interviewing both show that change sticks when it grows from a persons values and aspirations rather than from external pressure.
The point is not indulgence or abdication. It is a call to start with curiosity. A child who wants to be a musician may also need a frank talk about practice, finances, and backup plans. A teen who wants independence still needs boundaries and a safety net. The advice is to respect the direction of the desire while sharpening judgment, adding context, and setting guardrails. Listening first does not silence parental wisdom; it gives that wisdom a path in.
The humor bears Harry Truman’s stamp: plainspoken, practical, a little sly. As a leader he prized ownership and responsibility, the idea that decisions stick better when the decider owns them. Transposed to family life, that ethic honors the childs emerging agency while keeping the adult on hand as a seasoned guide. It also acknowledges the futility of unsolicited lectures; a young person who feels unseen will resist, even if the advice is sound.
Put simply, the line urges parents to transform advice into partnership. Ask what matters to your child. Help them pursue it with realism, courage, and care. Guide without commandeering, so that when they act, they do so as authors of their own lives.
There is a motivational logic underneath. People commit more deeply to plans they feel are theirs. By aligning counsel with the childs own goals, a parent shifts from pushing to enabling, from control to coaching. Contemporary psychology echoes this. Autonomy-supportive parenting and motivational interviewing both show that change sticks when it grows from a persons values and aspirations rather than from external pressure.
The point is not indulgence or abdication. It is a call to start with curiosity. A child who wants to be a musician may also need a frank talk about practice, finances, and backup plans. A teen who wants independence still needs boundaries and a safety net. The advice is to respect the direction of the desire while sharpening judgment, adding context, and setting guardrails. Listening first does not silence parental wisdom; it gives that wisdom a path in.
The humor bears Harry Truman’s stamp: plainspoken, practical, a little sly. As a leader he prized ownership and responsibility, the idea that decisions stick better when the decider owns them. Transposed to family life, that ethic honors the childs emerging agency while keeping the adult on hand as a seasoned guide. It also acknowledges the futility of unsolicited lectures; a young person who feels unseen will resist, even if the advice is sound.
Put simply, the line urges parents to transform advice into partnership. Ask what matters to your child. Help them pursue it with realism, courage, and care. Guide without commandeering, so that when they act, they do so as authors of their own lives.
Quote Details
| Topic | Parenting |
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