"The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was, nor forward to what it might be, but living in the present and accepting it as it is now"
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh
About this Quote
True security, so often sought through attachment, control, or expectation, cannot be found in owning a person or clinging to assurances. To possess or demand from a partner is to attempt to stabilize something fundamentally alive and always changing. The longing for guarantees—believing that love or commitment owed will safeguard us—fails to acknowledge the reality that relationships are dynamic, subject to the ebbs and flows of daily experience and personal growth.
Focusing on what a relationship once was, reminiscing on past happiness or sorrow, might bring temporary comfort or nostalgia, but it cannot serve as a foundation for lasting security. Similarly, projecting hopes or fears onto the future breeds anxiety or fosters illusions. Expecting relationships to fulfill fixed ideals or play out according to one’s needs is the root of disappointment, because the future is always uncertain, and the other person's heart and mind are not ours to command. Hope itself can become a substitute for engagement, distracting from the moments actually unfolding.
The essence of deep connection lies in meeting the present moment openly, without requiring it to prove or promise anything. Security emerges from the courageous act of seeing, accepting, and engaging with each other as you are now, not insulated by past titles or future fantasies. This acceptance is not resignation, but recognition of reality—an embracing of the fluid, imperfect richness of real partnership. It is a kind of trust, not in unchangeable permanence, but in your capacity to relate, adapt, and care through whatever the present offers. Only by relinquishing the urge to possess or demand can intimacy and true stability flower, rooted in a living awareness. Thus, love’s only true anchor is presence—attending with openness and accepting the ever-changing now.
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