"There are no maladies in my golf game. My golf game stinks"

"The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf - it's almost a law"

"It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf"

"One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President"

"I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles"

"I trained more than anybody ever in a golf film ever made - my swing is pretty hot"

"I hated golf when we first started, but a big part of the training process was falling in love with this sport, so I went on tour with the UCLA Team"

"When you look at golf films before us they're all - garbage or satire. A lot of sports films tend to vilify the opposition. Where the opposition becomes this big angry monster, so big you can't beat him"

"And if you're a golfer and you watch a golf film and Matt Damon swing, and it's not great, then you're not going to believe in the golf story, you're not going to believe in the rest of the film. That's the whole movie, so if that swing looks like crap, the movie's crap"

"I understand why marriages break up over golf. I can't even talk about my own handicap because it's too upsetting"

"They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that?"