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Famous quotes by Comedians

Small: A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They shou
"A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer"
A. Whitney Brown, Comedian
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Small: The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it
Bill Cosby
"The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it"
Bill Cosby, Comedian
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Small: Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home
Bill Cosby
"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home"
Bill Cosby, Comedian
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Small: Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy
Bill Cosby
"Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy"
Bill Cosby, Comedian
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Small: It isnt a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all thats beautiful
Bill Cosby
"It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful"
Bill Cosby, Comedian
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Small: In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure
Bill Cosby
"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure"
Bill Cosby, Comedian
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Small: I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover o
George Carlin
"I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories"
George Carlin, Comedian
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Small: Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity
George Carlin
"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity"
George Carlin, Comedian
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Small: Atheism is a non-prophet organization
George Carlin
"Atheism is a non-prophet organization"
George Carlin, Comedian
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Small: I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I dont have that much time
Steven Wright
"I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time"
Steven Wright, Comedian
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Small: I remixed a remix, it was back to normal
Mitch Hedberg
"I remixed a remix, it was back to normal"
Mitch Hedberg, Comedian
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Small: I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison
"I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison"
W. C. Fields, Comedian
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Small: I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle
Mitch Hedberg
"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle"
Mitch Hedberg, Comedian
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Small: My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings
"My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings"
Jay London, Comedian
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Small: I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling
"I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling"
Jay London, Comedian
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Small: I wanted to join the Army the sign said Be All That You Can Be, they told me it wasnt enough
"I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be', they told me it wasn't enough"
Jay London, Comedian
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Small: People read me but they dont subscribe
"People read me but they don't subscribe"
Jay London, Comedian
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Small: Does anybody know what Im doing up here?
"Does anybody know what I'm doing up here?"
Jay London, Comedian
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Small: I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said dont worry its not the end of th
"I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world"
Jay London, Comedian
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Small: I was born nine months premature
"I was born nine months premature"
Jay London, Comedian
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Small: I dont need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me
"I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me"
Jay London, Comedian
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Small: If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe
Josh Billings
"If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time"
Josh Billings, Comedian
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Small: It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too
Josh Billings
"It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too"
Josh Billings, Comedian
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Small: The trouble with people is not that they dont know but that they know so much that aint so
Josh Billings
"The trouble with people is not that they don't know but that they know so much that ain't so"
Josh Billings, Comedian
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Small: Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well
Josh Billings
"Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well"
Josh Billings, Comedian
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Small: Most people repent their sins by thanking God they aint so wicked as their neighbors
Josh Billings
"Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors"
Josh Billings, Comedian
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Small: Genius aint anything more than elegant common sense
Josh Billings
"Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense"
Josh Billings, Comedian
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Small: He who hesitates is sometimes saved
"He who hesitates is sometimes saved"
James Thurber, Comedian
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Small: It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers
"It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers"
James Thurber, Comedian
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Small: Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
Robin Williams, Comedian
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