"We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over"
"Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country"
"Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors"
"To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense"
"Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another"
"Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope"
"Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient"
"Prejudice - a vagrant opinion without visible means of support"
"Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy"
"Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice"
"Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers"
"Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment"
"Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for"
"The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge"
"The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations"
"Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination"
"In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office"
"Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity"
"Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two"
"Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence"
"Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage"
"Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding"
"Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage"
"Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones"
