Famous quotes by Comedians


Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I have too much money invested in sweaters"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano"
Google Plus Share
Twitter Share
FaceBook Share
"They'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood"
Page 1 of 118Next page Next page