Facts about Henny Youngman

Occup.	Comedian
From	USA
Born	March 16, 1906
Died	February 24, 1998
Aged	91 years

Summary

Henny Youngman was a famous Comedian from USA, who lived between March 16, 1906 and February 24, 1998. He/she became 91 years old.

Zodiac:

He/she is born under the zodiac pisces, who is known for Fluctuation, Depth, Imagination, Reactive, Indecisive. Our collection contains 44 quotes who is written / told by Henny, under the main topics: Marriage - Travel - Money.

"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake"

Henny Youngman

"Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to"

Henny Youngman

"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret"

Henny Youngman

"Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport"

Henny Youngman

"If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late"

Henny Youngman

"My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle"

Henny Youngman

"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays"

Henny Youngman

"How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'"

Henny Youngman

"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well"

Henny Youngman

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays"

Henny Youngman

"She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face"

Henny Youngman

"She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match"

Henny Youngman

"She has a wash and wear bridal gown"

Henny Youngman

"My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way"

Henny Youngman

"My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!"

Henny Youngman

"My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself"

Henny Youngman

"When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays"

Henny Youngman

"That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!"

Henny Youngman

"Take my wife... Please!"

Henny Youngman

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading"

Henny Youngman

"You look like a talent scout for a cemetery"

Henny Youngman

"You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready"

Henny Youngman

"You have a nice personality, but not for a human being"

Henny Youngman

"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it"

Henny Youngman

"Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering"

Henny Youngman

"Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it"

Henny Youngman

"When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say"

Henny Youngman

"The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip"

Henny Youngman

"Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous"

Henny Youngman

"A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months"

Henny Youngman

"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means"

Henny Youngman

"A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student"

Henny Youngman

"I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car"

Henny Youngman

"My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?"

Henny Youngman

"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash"

Henny Youngman

"If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas"

Henny Youngman

"If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope"

Henny Youngman

"If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving"

Henny Youngman

"I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock"

Henny Youngman

"I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me"

Henny Youngman

"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places"

Henny Youngman

"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back"

Henny Youngman

"I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet"

Henny Youngman

"I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him"

Henny Youngman

Facts about Henny Youngman

Summary

Zodiac:

44 Famous quotes by Henny Youngman

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